I love oldies. I grew up wishing it were the 50s. I found 80s pop culture crass. I listened to oldies stations, and spent sunday nights listening to Jack Benny and Gunsmoke.

However, I am SICK TO DEATH of my neighbors' non-stop doo-wop mania. Because oldies hipster goons eschew any oldies the average listener might recognize, they play everything else without apparent regard for quality. If you automatically exclude all the hits, you are left with a few hidden gems, and many lousy songs. There was no indie music in the 50s, just good, bad, and mediocre pop. The poor quality is masked by age. Because they are from another time and context, our ears are not as picky. All scratchy 45s sound kind of cool.

The problem is that hipsters back themselves into a corner by judging anything popular with disdain. I remember when The White Stripes were extraordinarily hip, but they second Live 105 played them they were hipster poison, even though they never stopped being great. If your uncool friends know who they are, you are in immediate peril. Retreat! As the populous has more access to cool, hipster habitats shrink. Right now in Oakland, all that remains is doo-wop, terrible psychedelia, soft rock, coke-centric rap, and the garage bands your friends are in. You are only safe listening to music guaranteed not to be appreciated by the uncool.

I try to like what I like without thinking about what it means about me. I know what a pretense shitty-music chic is, because I hear different music playing through the wall depending on if my neighbor is alone or with guests. I myself would cringe if everybody heard my entire iTunes library on shuffle, but I am trying to change that.