I drove so much this weekend my back aches a little, between my shoulders. I drove to Walnut Creek and Concord, for no better reason than to play music loud, not talk to anyone, and not be alone. It's kind of meditation, except instead of emptying my mind of thoughts, I'm try to outrun them. They are dull, nagging thoughts that only drain my energy. There is a leftover ringing in my ears when it gets too quiet. I am not learning anything from being vaguely bummed out, so I want to shake it off and get on with it. But I want something to get out of bed for. Swimming is good, but I have a lot more time to get through. I drive, I shop. I shop just so I can drive. I drive just so I can sit in a warm little box with all the sound shut out. Oh man this sounds bleak.

I need to do something about this. This isn't working. It is time to get pink and healthy again, which may require some effort and risk on my part.