Seems like everything I could write about my inner world could be found in previous entries. The same joys and pains experienced and reexperienced. I know myself so well by now, yet I can't seem to do anything about it.

I feel like shiny gold coins when somebody likes me so much they want to kiss me. I feel like a footnote to nothing when they stop. I check myself in the mirror too frequently, trying to figure out if there's something wrong. I look for looks from dudes, evidence that I'm wanted. Not attractive.

If I felt hot walking down the street with Ari, why should I not feel hot now? Was just vicariously hot? And why am I so worried about looks?