note: this entry depicts my feelings right this minute, and does not necessarily represent my overall view of the world

The Walgreen's at 34th and Telegraph is quickly destroying my faith that people are good and just want to be loved.

Today, in line at the pharmacy, a woman walks in front of me, in the middle of my dealings, and presents her prescription. Moments before she was grumbling "Where's the goddamn pharmacist". The pharmacist tells her that he's helping me, and she argues. I say to her, "Please, I'm just trying to get my prescription, this is hard enough as it is." Really, that's what I said, in a totally unbitchy but pleading fashion. And she says, "Don't you fucking talk to me." Another guy goes to the front of the line and puts is prescriptions down, and again the pharmacist asks him to please wait. He starts yelling about how he can't just be shoved to the side, and accuses me of trying to get discounts so I can get my venereal disease treated.

At this point I am shaking with rage, and near tears with sadness that this is the world I live in. These are members of my species. How am I supposed to believe in the goodness of mankind, when I am confronted with the shrill shittiness of mankind time after time. What is god trying to tell me? That he's given up on humanity, and I should too?

The only answer that undoes the knot in my stomach is this - That woman is a cunt. That man is an asshole. At some point they gave up on goodness, and gave in to horribleness. I don't know what poisoned their hearts, maybe other people like them. Maybe they are poisoning my heart. Maybe there are zombies walking the earth with us, and their numbers are growing. Please don't let me be next.

Religion, or maybe some other country to live in -- I'm considering desperate measures. I need to know is that there is a better place than this, or that the zombies are just really sick humans who can be cured. I need to know that this life is worth my time and effort. Because if it isn't maybe I should try to make enough money as quickly as possible to buy a house and enough heroin so that I feel good until I die.