I was walking back from Walgreen's with some Half-and-Half, thinking about him, Ari, feeling tall and worthy. I was thinking about kissing him goodbye for his weekend work trip to Denver, thinking about all the things I've said to him to let him know he's a big deal, while trying not to make too big a deal of it. It's not even been two weeks, I don't want to guess what this could be, I just want to be, for now, and let time take care of my future. I thought how I will pick him up from the airport on Sunday, and then I threw up on the sidewalk.

My body expresses itself in dramatic ways. Anxieties come to the surface as rashes, shame manifests in sore throats. Excitement in the morning makes me gaggy, and outright glee makes me puke. Thankfully, this only happens in the morning, before I've had anything more than coffee, so It's not as horrible as it sound. And for someone who is too easily duped by his own brain, it's nice to get a hell-yeah! from my gut.